Lies...

I wish i was a stronger person...

To make decisions that matter...

To seize life for my own.

But i'm a coward at heart.

I hide... I run... and I escape from the truth.

My life is a lie.

I am a lie.

Its all a lie.

I've always asked myself if i was a decent person,

that everything i do would mean something to someone...

but i guess i was naive.

Nothing i did ever matter.

I never mattered.

I'm just a tool, used by everyone.

Even by the one i love.

I'm tired.

I'm really tired.

I just...

wanna rest.

Temporary Out of Service...

Just had an operation done on me left eye...

so i'm pretty much left crippled for the next few weeks.

Can't be writing too much, cuz it puts a relatively large strain on me eye.

So, till a few weeks later,

Adius!!

Stay Tune~~~

Excerpt from The Holiday...

Had this movie for a long time now...

just haven't the time or heart to really watch it.

As it turns out, this movie was FANTASTIC!

Had a lot of laughs, and an equal amount of tears as i watched it all out.

Below is a part of the movie that really got me...

Nevermind the reason, but i thought it was beautifully scriptted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"... I understand a feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible,

and how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you...

and it doesn't matter how many haircuts you get, or gyms you join,

or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your friends,

you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could've misunderstood...

And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were HAPPY? And some times you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And after all that, however long that may be, you go somewhere new...

and you'll meet people who makes you feel worthwhile again,

and little pieces of your soul will finally come back...

And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you... wasted,

that will eventually, begin to fade."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For some reason, that made me weep.

Such a weeper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Good Friend...

People who knows me well would know that I don't speak vulgarities.

Even when i'm super mad, i would not utter a single obscenity.

Hence, it doesn't really comes as a surprise when I've been BEGGED countless times by others to speak Vulgarities just to apease their morbid sense of curiosity.

My answer is always the same ---> BIG FAT NO.

That said, I do not really object to others using it.

I mean of course i would prefer it if they don't, but even if they do, who am i to stop them right?

So then, i had this good friend of mine, whom ALWAYS made me LMAO (laugh my ass off) with his florish use of profanities.

Couple days ago, he was inviting me for a birthday party of his which happens to fall on this saturday.

This is how the conversation started...

[Dooo dooo... Dooo doo...] <----- my mobile ringing u dump ass... hahha...

"Hello?"

"Eh Fucker!"

"Hahahahahaha... Yes boss, what can i do for you?"

"You gonna be in KL this saturday or not?"

"Dunno wor, not too sure..."

"Fucker... fucking come up la."

"Why? What's up?"

"Fuck la. Its my birthday. Fucking jibai~~ We gonna have bbq with us fellow Patricians(my fellow s'pore boarding school mates) "

"Oh... ok... i'll try my best to come la..."

"Eh Fuck you la! You better come or i'll fucking screw you man!"

"Hhahahahahahahahaha...."

"Eh, who else did i miss?"

I then proceeded to mention a few more names, most of which he has forgotten to invite, so he told me to sms him the numbers after we finish our conversation.

"Eh jibai, u better come k. If i don't fucking see you you're dead!"

"Hahahhahahahahahaa... see how la."

"FUCK YOU LA!"

"hahahahahahahahahahahaha..."

That pretty much ended our conversation.

So then, after couple of minutes, i sms him a business card.

This is then the sms replies.

[Fuck. u send me an empty page la. Fucker.]

[hahaha... i'll resend.]

[Cheers idiot. Make sure u come]

[I will definitely come if i can. Wouldn't wanna miss seeing u get keropok *a tradition whereby people whack the birthday boy on his back*]

[Fuck! If u come i make sure u'll get dumped into my fish pond!]

[hahahahahahahaha...]

Such an endearing friend... hahahahaha...

Even though he's probably one of the most foul-mouthed person i've ever known, but he's non-the-less one of the most humorous person in the world for me.

New Home~

Yay! A brand new home for my brand new blog!! ^-^

You guys have NO idea how much I agonize over writing blogs on spaces for the past... hmm... few years i reckon.

Its the Font. AND the colors. Nuf said. (for the uninitiated, please have a read at my previous blogs at Spaces, then you'll know what i mean.)

And i realize people are less likely to leave comments on Spaces than on blogspot. Funny thing huh?

Alright, back to business~ Let's talk about something interesting.

MY FISH...















hahahhahaha... Well, about my fish, I've written several blogs on my fish, some of which includes me killing the fish due to ignorance, and then killing more fish due to negligence, and then killing several more fish due to accidents and lastly, killing due to, well... i'm a murderer, and murderers kill for no reason.

Just a few days ago, i topped my records.

Two fish died over the weekends. Reason ---> unknown.

It was a weekend, so naturally i wasn't around in the office to notice their death. So come Monday, when i entered the office, those two fish have already MOLDED.

Yes... they have a THICK film of whitish stuff around their bodies. The tails and fins were all gone, presumably eaten by the other fish who starved over the weekends cuz I conveniently forgot to feed them. (hey, we were ALL busy, and its freaking FRIDAY!!)

So then I took them out of the tank, and thought no further.

No one told me i was to change the water.

No one told me i was to cleanse the water.

So the next day, three more died.

I was quite devastated. They survived on me for more than four months, which by far is the best record i held.

And the day after, another four died.

I was close to tears.

On the following day, when ANOTHER two died, i finally decided it was time to take some serious action. (2+3+4+2 = 11... I'm a ruthless, merciless + cold-blooded murderer)

Went to an aquarium, consulted the owner there, and bought two bottles of disinfectant.
























(See... even fish have STRESS! They probably got too much stress from not having enough food all the time... lol... or maybe i talk to them too much... hmmm...)

Thinking that everything should go well from that point forth, another two died the next day.

FREAKING FIFTY DOLLARS FOR THOSE TWO BOTTLES AND MORE FISH DIED?!?!?!

You guys have no idea how many tears i shed. (big fat lie)

I was so distraught that i couldn't sleep for days... (a fatter lie of course)

But thankfully, they all got better from thence on.

I had to spend a good portion of this month's savings to replenish the missing fishes into the tank though.

Sigh... there goes my money.

Well, there is SOME joy in rearing these fish though. One of the females gave birth to 17 baby guppies, and they look SO CUTE!!















Errr... that reminds me.

I used to have all females in the same big tank with the rest of the other fishes. Even when i THOUGHT they were pregnant, i still left them there .

So one day, while i was cleaning the fish tank ( = emptying the water in the tank + scrubbing the tank), i noticed several LIFEFORMS wriggling their way on the basin.

On closer inspection, i realized to my horror that those were baby guppies!!!

My original intent was to scoop them up, but SOMEHOW RATHER, i turned on the TAP water.

Don't ask me why.

Down flush the baby guppies into the sink.

If i was horrified then, i was Aghast now.

I was like...

"NO~~~~~~~~~~~~ NO NO NO NOooooooo~~~~~" (Jumping up and down, flailing my arms in every direction possible at the same time.)

WHAT THE **** AM I DOING?!?!?!!

WHY DID I TURN THE TAP ON?!?!?!?!?!

DON'T EVEN ASK.

If there were SOME left on the basin, that would mean most of the others were EATEN by the adult fishes.

Oh lord... what have i done?????

To those little guppies that was flushed down the sink/eaten by other fishes, may you all rest in peace.

and...

Please... please please please please please....

GO TO THE LIGHT.